this is cathey's daughter athina and i just want to let everyone know that my mom is the best and she loves me because she fixes me poptarts!! :)

Now......
back to me. My turn. You just can't leave the room for a minute. But at least when I come back it is to my great...in my face...life. I love it! I can't tell you all how wonderful it is that she is alive to do silly little things like the line at the top of the page. When I think of how lonely my life would be without her I just go blank. I have other children that are grown with kids of their own and I love them dearly. The thought of losing any of them is heart wrenching. I know others who have lost children, in accidents, in the war or other ways. I can see the blank spot in their eyes even though they go through life as if everything is complete. I guess we never know how we will deal with a situation until we are in it. With me and the times that it seemed that God was concentrating on another planet, I had to remind myself daily through reading His word that He is a loving, gracious, generous, strong, protective, and all knowing Father who wants only the best for His children. He holds my life as well as my children and grand children's lives in His nail scarred hands.
I guess it all comes down to making that decision: am I going to trust Him to get me through it? Or not? Well, over the years I have made the decision to trust Him and even though others may not understand how I can laugh and joke and be joyful when everything around me is really bad. But here is the secret:
If you will just admit that you cannot do anything except pray for Him to be there and take over, then when you get to the other side of the ordeal you will look back and see that He truly did take over.

Here is another thing that I think is awesome:
He begins preparing you for that moment of helplessness long before it happens. Ever since my Athina began driving I have had visions of her in an accident and getting "that call". I would immediately rebuke it and give her to the Lord for protection. When the call finally did come it was as if my actions were taken over by God and I was not surprised. It seemed to be something I was expecting for a long time and now the moment was here and it was one more chance for God to show Himself in my life.
In her book "If Love Could Speak"; she wrote in Oct of 2006 what seemed to be a conversation between her and Jesus at the time of her accident. Now, you need to understand that her relationship with God was one of distrust and anger over many things. Her wreck was Feb. 24 2007. From that point on her writing (sonnets in her journal) became hard to read for me because they showed a different side of my little girl that I really did not know existed. A sad, scared, insecure little girl looking for stability and security and unconditional love. But Jesus had been talking to her subconscious all along and it really came to light in her writing.
It's strange because she doesn't remember anything about the wreck or even several months before the wreck. I would venture to say she doesn't remember anything except now she knows He is real and with her. When she finally had the trache out and could speak well enough even in a whisper, she was excited to tell me how real Jesus is.

Now it is one year and one month after her wreck and the difference everyone sees in her is amazing. A totally sold out little girl (gonna be 19) to Jesus Christ, struggling to learn His word and remember it. Loves to go to Bible Study and tells all of her friends about Jesus and how real He is. What I see:
Her eyes have been opened to the way she was living her life and where it was going.
A hunger for the Word and Christian friends.
A desire to serve Jesus, somehow, any way.
The last thing that really made me see the Spirit in her was when she was reading the sonnet that I spoke of earlier "Leave it to the Imagination" and after she stopped her expression was shock and she said "This is about salvation! It's Jesus talking to me!"
And it was.

Well, it's been another year and I am still alive! But I can guarantee you that my life has changed remarkably and God has shown himself to be faithful beyond all expectations. For more information on what my life has been since my last post go to www.happymagazineonline.com and read the article about Athina, my daughter. Her book will be released by March 2008. The name is If Love Could Speak, a Journey of the Heart. For pre-orders contact CatPavPublishing.
catpavpublishing@yahoo.com

I will be posting more soon.

SHOOTING STARS AND MEGA MACHINES

Observing life all around me. Humor in illness; laughing my way through with the help and good senses of humor of the doctor and nurses. I went to Urgent Care today to reasure myself that I was not as bad off as I thought. Wonderful joyful people caring for others that could not find joy. We laughed; the nurses and I and then the Dr. and I. I thank God for them in my day. I will live. My leg is not fractured and I do not have a bloodclot. I was sent for X-Ray and so I went on my way to work. The little technician (because she is short and very cute) looked at me and with a slight hint of sarcasm asked "So why are you here?" I know it seemed incredulous that I would need an X-Ray since I walked in looking my usual healthy professional self and in a good humor, having had my spirits lifted by the group at the Urgent Care commenting on my "beautiful complexion" to which I assured them it was attributed to MAX FACTOR. They kept going over my age with me even though it was clearly written on the paper they were holding. Poor little pups, I know all the tricks of the trade to looking younger. lol. I used to look young...now I just look young-ER. I'll settle for that. If MAX FACTOR ever goes out of business I'll just call the Mortician; they always make everyone look good. But of course I naturally look good lying down due to gravity. I'm VERY YOUNG lying down. It's when I get up that the truth rears it's ugly head. Especially since my landlord has every wall in this condo MIRRORED!!!! The Nerve!
They do make the room look bigger but did he ever consider that "they make me look bigger too!"
Well, sitting on the X-Ray table and lifting my pant leg, I received the usual "GASP!" from the little technician. Bless her; and everyone else that thinks I am just after sympathy and attention. The pain is constant and off and on very intense. Walking doesn't hurt anymore. Now it comes in intermitent throbs and stabs when I least expect it making me give out a little wimpy "ooh" like some little old lady. I hate that. But it just comes out of my mouth before I can catch it, you know?
Well, again, having left there and going to work; after debating with myself if I should obey my Dr. and take off for the rest of the week and keep my leg elevated and take the prescribed meds and do the warm compresses; yada yada yada......
I decide to go to work and do my one client and then stay off of my feet while collecting my hours that will count toward my "benefits eligibility". That's a laugh and a story all in itself. The benefit to this job is the wonderful people I work with and the money to live on. The people have become family and the money affords me to live in this condo at the beach. Bringing me to why I am up at one o'clock in the morning writing on this blog:
When I arrived home this afternoon/nite I had to take my little ME-ME out for her tinkle and toot. To reward me for being a good girl and staying at work I took her for a walk to the beach just across the road. I can't walk on the beach as there are these Mega Machines that are moving sand around trying to give us more beach and less ocean. There was the giant lights casting a beam over the sand, the ocean waves and the giant tractors. Me-Me and I sat on the wooden walkway leading over the dunes to the beach. I watched in amazement at the sheer power of these bulldozers plowing through sand and ocean water without getting stuck. Men sat in the cabs of these monsters handling them like they were Tonka Trucks. I have a new respect for heavy machinary operators. Off to the left where the light was coming from was another bulldozer that was not performing to the dance. As usual in the cases where county workers are performing their jobs there were five or six men watching as the other two worked. Then instead of walking to where it was they were going, to my utter joy at the sight, they stepped up into the scoop on the front of the bulldozer and road away into the night. I took much joy in this because all of it, the entire scene looked like such fun. And they all looked like little boys playing with their Tonka Trucks. I found myself thinking that if I were a little boy, I would want to grow up and do this job. Now, I know that it is hard work, requiring great skill and training, and they are exhausted at the end of whenever their day ends; I say this because it is after one in the morning and they are still going at it. I admire them; This is another thing that I would never have seen in my life if I were not here, at this time in my life.
We came back to the condo and did the nightly heating pad on the leg and watched a sad movie and then a boring first part of one that I could not endure so I turned it off. I can not sleep. Walking carefully in the dark to the front deck I stand and listen to the men still working on the beach. I used to hear waves crashing on the shore. Now it's bulldozers grinding gears as they make our beach. I can still see them in my minds eye, and shake my head as I smile and look toward the sky. At that very moment I saw it: A Shooting Star. It was mine. I am the only one seeing it; I know this. God sent it to me.
Dear God, I love you too. Thank you for so many special moments in my self proclaimed "last year".
The air has a slight chill; it feels wonderful. As I am writing, I hear the wind whistle around my building. Oh, yes, the cool night air cometh, the wind sings a lullaby to me. I will sleep good now.

Happy New Year

I have been given confirmation that this coming year of 2007 will indeed be a year to be remembered.
Six months ago I read an ad in the classifieds that offered a condo with panaramic view of the beach, the marsh and the ICWW. I was instantly drawn to call about the place I knew in my heart was to be mine for the next six months. My dream began in August and will end supposedly unless God intervenes in March. Tonight begins the New Year and the panaramic view truley was a treat and affirmably my gift from God. As I stood on my front deck I watched as fireworks were making a beautiful display on the beach and as far away as Wilmington and Wrightsville Beach, of which I have a clear view. All night the party has been displayed within my view. My back deck affords the view of the fireworks from the Boardwalk and Harbor. How beautiful it was, and how safe I felt as I watched from my dark secluded perch in the sky.
The weather man has foretold bad weather approaching from the west and indeed I felt sprinkles as I left work late this afternoon. My usual walk on the beach was lit by the lights on the pier. People that appeared as shadows began to join me at the seashore. The sky was dark as had the past few years been with the looming of impending death clouded my mind. I know in my heart that my days are numbered by God and the end of them has been heavy on my heart as of late. As I looked around through the darkness at the lives that were moving in search of the hope that a new year might offer, I wondered at the sight. Fifty eight years now seems like it was lived in the dark waiting for the hope of the new year.
I walked back to my palace that is to others a one bedroom condo. The quietness enhanced the sound of the few fireworks that came from the beach.
I went to bed and dozed for I know not how long. When I woke the sounds of the New Year were echoing throughout Carolina Beach. I moved to the back deck and was able to watch the light show from North East and West. It was pretty as the colors burst in the air. I thought of our men and women over seas ushering the new year in with a light show quite different than our own. Then it became quiet again; My children were heavy on my heart. What were they doing on this night of new beginnings? As I stood in the comfort of the cool night air, the moon made a glorious appearance through the clouds that were formed around it like the white of the eye around the pupil. It was as though the eye of God looked upon me and the brightness of the moon and it's surrounding cloud overcame the meager display of man's fireworks. Man will never be able to out-perform God. As I remained frozen gazing into His eye the stars came forth to shower the sky as the fireworks had earlier; only they do not fade away.
This night was for me. This night my Lord spoke to me from His Heavens and told me of a new year, a new day, a new path. This year will belong to my son. I will see my son. He has been the one that has lain in the background, denied the presence of his mother for all these years. But no more. He has asked nothing of me, required nothing of me; yet I know he needs me more now than ever. And this will be the year that I will be his. I will live this new year as though it were my last, whether it be so or not. I love my girls, but they have had me close their entire lives and thus take that closeness forgranted. He has been without me and I without him; each moment will be precious. I am anxiouse to begin this new year of our Lord, 2007.
May God be with us all and His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

Now it's HOME.

We (Harley, me-me, and myself) had a long drive back to Wilmington today. It rained without stop all the way. The entire time all I could think about was having to walk two dogs in the rain on the beach, and how I didn't have an umbrella or hoodie. The very thought made me feel wet. They rode well; Me-me settled on my lap as usual and Harley sat up in the passenger seat to see where we were going. Now and then I put the window down a few inches for him to get a scent of where we were. They need that if they ever get lost. After about an hour he settled in, curling up for a nap. Something I longed to do. As we neared hwy 76/74 at Reiglewood the rain began to let up. I was hopeful. Then I turned onto the hwy 76/74 and my hopes were dashed. That has got to be the darkest road in NC. Traffic was heavy and got heavier the closer we got to the bridge. As usual Me-me knew we were close to home when we went over the bridge and sprang up to the window like a kid looking for Santa after hearing something on the roof!
Carolina Beach Road is scarry at the least on a rainy night. Going over Snow's Cut bridge brought Harley to life and he whined all the way to the Condo. As soon as we parked and everyone was out of the car it was off to the races. Who was going to go first and in which direction was the old lady going to give in to? Harley immediately made the dog-walk grass HIS and naturally under the window of the lady that watches to see if you pick it up! I wasn't prepared to pick up cow-patties so we immediately made haste to the beach. Harley was led by Me-me down the beaten path, I tagged along. We were there only a few minutes watching the churning surf. The wind was kicking up the waves by the pier making them roar loudly. I could still hear them on my porch when we returned.
It is an unusually warm night and sitting on the porch eating supper was a joy. Harley excitedly watched a racoon playing around the swimming pool. He is taking to the condo really well. He is at present lying at the back porch door (it is open), Me-me is naturally in my lap with her head resting on my right arm as I type, and all is well with the world.
I am comfortable now. Another worry out of the way.
The Christmas tree is lit, with presents wrapped and awaiting their owners arrival on Sunday.
This will be the best Christmas I have had in a long long time.

It is a beautiful day at the beach. The sun is bright and the wind is calm. There is not one person on the beach. Not even me. I was on it earlier and it was just long enough to make me not want to go to work today. I have a client today that I dread dealing with. I would rather stay home and work on promoting my books and writing my new one. I would rather do my dishes and vacume. I would rather pull my fingernails out with pliers than go to work today!
But I am reminded:
Jesus had a job to do...
He prayed to God to let him out of it...
the answer He wanted to hear did not come...
He submitted to the will of His father...
and He went to work...
and I was saved.

Who knows who will be blessed today if I go to work?
At this point I don't see it being me.
Maybe the dreaded client will be blessed by my reluctant but submissive presence.
I hope so...
I pray so...
Somebody better get blessed out of me not getting to enjoy this beautiful day outside.

That's it.
I'm done.
Gotta get dressed.
Gotta go.
Heavy sigh.................

WHEN GOD SAYS: BRING IT ON! The keys to having the faith to hold on.
by Mary Catherine Pavlikianidis
Published by: Publish America
Available at: Amazon.com


You have to admit there are just some days that are better than others. Rainy days are soothing peaceful days for me. I like to sit and read my Bible and talk to the Lord about things that are on my mind. He always gives me insight pertaining to the different situations I bring before him and how He feels about them. There are other days that are bright and beautiful and He speaks to me through His creation. Everything in nature reveals the Glory of God. From thunder storms to butterflies His power and grace shine.
Throughout my life I have questioned why God allows things to happen the way they do. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. And people we love hurt, and people we don't love never hurt. Or so it seems. I like answers. I like to know the why and how of things. Why can't a butterfly fly if you wipe the powder off of its wings? Why do babies die? Why? I don't have the answers. I always say when I get to Heaven I'm going to ask God why...And then I think, when I get to Heaven....it won't matter anymore. During these little talks with God I am given morsels to quench the hunger pains of doubt and frustration, and helplessness. We don't need to know why things happen the way they do. We need to know that God is going to get us through it. And that He really does care. I know this for a fact. I've learned to see His wisdom in everything – the good as well as the bad. I hope this book helps you see God the way I do. If you can get past the clouds… the SON is shining!

FORTY DAYS HATH SEPTEMBER
by Mary Catherine Aucoin

Excerpt:
“Well, here we go then. I said I wouldn’t go and I didn’t. I finally did what I wanted for a change, instead of the “proper” thing to do.”

Angela stood in the doorway taking in the room with one long sweeping gaze. As she made her way through the vacant room, she slowed in front of a picture that sat on the Baby Grande. The picture was oddly placed behind a large bowl of dying roses. The scarf that lay under it had slid, hanging softly to the floor. She was alone in the room. Odd, there were so many people in and out of the house earlier. The quietness seemed strange, lonely, and eternal.
The picture spoke without words. She wanted to touch it; but not the picture, the love. The love that was so evident in the picture. She wanted to touch the love, again. Off in the distance a movement caught her attention. She moved to a corner of the room where her presence would go un-noticed. She thought, “I don’t know why I think anyone would notice they hadn’t before.” She felt that most of her life had gone un-noticed. There had been no great deeds in her life to make anyone stand up and take notice. She was certainly no Joyce Meyer. Her ministry had never reached that level and she was not sure that she ever wanted it to get that large. Small intimate gatherings were more her style. Her comfort zone was with a few people and one on one ministering. Until now there was nothing that would make her memorable to anyone that did not know her personally. She questioned God constantly, never quite sure if she was fulfilling the plan He had set out for her. If she could start over what would she do differently? Well, there was no sense in looking back. “It’s the present that needs to be dealt with,” she thought to herself. She always thought too much. She had kept her thoughts to herself and put them down in her manuscripts. Writing had been a good outlet for her throughout the years. She enjoyed the opportunities to speak to women’s groups and organizations. But she found that in writing her deepest thoughts were somehow transparent.

There was only one person other than Jesus that she thought understood her insecurities. Joe always listened and at least pretended to understand what she was talking about. But he was gone. Even when he was alive he had never belonged to her. Their timing had never been right. When she was single he was not and vice-versa. But their friendship was stronger than any marriage she had ever known. Angela always attributed that to the lack of an intimate relationship between them. She had learned over the years that relationships somehow became all ‘muddled up’ as she called it when sex came into play. Joe had been a stabilizing force in her life of mountains and valleys, and deserts, and had always had a way of making her think straight. His six-foot plus frame carried him well. He was a striking man that exuded strength in character as well as having an almost Moses on the mountain persona when he entered a room. A powerful, no holes barred preacher that could and would be brutally honest when it came to where he saw a person in regards to salvation. At times that honesty made Angela cringe as though God himself had pointed his finger at an area in her life that had been hidden from her, but she welcomed it. “I wish he were here now,” she thought. “It would be good if he were here now.” There she went, thinking again.

Two elderly women had wandered through the door coming in from the hall on the other side of the room. The long span of hallway that ran past the great room allowed for two entrances into the room. The builders had sly little remarks about that. “Too good to walk the forty paces to the first door, I reckon,” she had overheard one of them say during the building.
The two women were speaking quietly and looking at the pictures of the family that Angela had on the far wall. She called it her family gallery. Angela tried to hear what they were saying but it was very faint.
“I really didn’t know her that well.” The one woman whispered to the other.
“Then why did you come?” the other replied. It was more of a reprimand than a question.
“My thought exactly,” Angela thought shaking her head and grinning.
There was no response from the lady for a minute or two while she seemed to question her motive herself. As they walked around the room it finally slipped out without her even realizing it.
“How beautiful this place is; I’ve always wondered what it looked like inside.”


**************************

Forty Days Hath September is a love story...a story of a womans love for the Lord, a love for her children and a man she would never marry. It is a story of forgiveness and learning where God is when Heaven is silent.
A funeral brings together a family separated by distance and beliefs. While staying at their mother's house two sisters and their brother along with the grandchildren come to grips with their spiritual beliefs and see first hand the foundation of their mother's faith.
It is a story of perfect healing and the lives that "perfect healing" affects.
Gripping and life changing this book will reveal God in ways that you never dared to believe.
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"Forty Days Hath September sets a new standard for Christian Fiction. Honest, heartwarming and thought-provoking...with a surprise at every turn. With so much rich imagery, once I got started reading, I did not want to put it down!"
Janet Gibson Uffinger, Editor of NEXT! Magazine